Christian Dating, Singleness

Relationships: Don’t Look for Perfection

Calling all Christian singles, or Christians who may be dating (or courting) someone at the moment… I have to let you in on a little secret:

“Mister/Miss perfect for you” won’t be perfect.

I know, this may be a devastating blow to some of you readers out there.  You may be thinking, “there’s a guy/girl out there for me who truly makes God their top priority, and they will have minimal sinful baggage to bring to our relationship”.  And yes, that may be true for some of you; however, that won’t be the case for all of us.  Some of us are going to fall for people with troubled pasts.  Some of us are going to have to practice patience and forgiveness whenever we find out about our significant other’s past.  Some of us are going to have to nudge them back to Christ.  Some of us are going to end up with an imperfect person.

But guess what?  We’re all imperfect.

Oh yeah… remember that lie you told?  Remember that time you disobeyed your parents?  Remember that time you had lustful thoughts about someone, even if you didn’t put those thoughts into action?  You, me, he, she, we… we’re all imperfect sinners who are given grace by a perfect God.  We as humans tend to think that there are different ranks of sins, meaning that some are worse than others.  Honestly, that’s not the case at all.  God’s word tells us that all sins are of equal measure:

“For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.” -James 2:10

So, if you’ve committed one sin, you’ve basically committed them all.  No sin is better or worse than any other… they’re all bad.  It’s bad to lie.  It’s bad to steal.  It’s bad to sin against our bodies through using drugs, alcohol, or having sexual relationships outside of marriage.  Going back to what I said in Forgive and Forget, we as Christians know that God will forgive us every time we fall short of His commandments, but we’re quick to cast shameful looks on others when they sin.

Parable time! 😀

There are two Christians, Jim and Kim.  Jim murdered someone before he got saved, and Kim is a compulsive liar who is a sort-of Christian.  As you can see, both Jim and Kim have sinned in their past.  Both Jim and Kim will die, and will appear before God to be judged.  When God looks upon Jim, the reformed murderer, He will not say, “well Jim, you killed a man.  That’s a terrible sin that isn’t worthy of salvation, even though you’ve lived for Me for the past 30 years.  You’re going to Hell.”  Likewise, He’s not going to approach Kim and say, “well Kim, you lie like a penny in the parking lot at a grocery store, but it’s just a minor offense.  I know you haven’t really tried to live according to my commandments, but you’ve done some Christiany things.  Welcome to Heaven!”

That’s not how it works.  That’s not how any of this works. XD

“As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one…”
-Romans 3:10

Alas, none of us are perfect, so don’t think that your future boyfriend/girlfriend should have a pristine past.

Now you’re gonna ask me,

“How do we deal with their past sins?”

Okay, so you’re dating/thinking about dating a Christian who has struggled with sin in the past.  Maybe they did jail time, maybe they’ve been promiscuous in past relationships.  Upon learning that information, it’s going to hurt you.  You’re going to want to ask them a million questions as to why they acted in that manner when God’s word clearly states that it’s a sin.  You’re going to wonder if they’re worth pursuing a relationship with, and if they’ll return to their former ways.  It’s going to take a toll on you to find out that your potential mate isn’t all sunshine and sweetness like you initially thought they would be.  Nevertheless, remember that their past is going to be even harder on them.

Before you verbally attack this person with questions and doubt their potential, I beg of you, reconsider and take the following steps:

  1. Talk to them about your concerns, but don’t ask them for all the details.  If you ask someone to go into the gory details of their past, you’re going to receive a whopping dosage of TMI, and your over-analyzing may make you think less of the person.  Instead, just tell them how you’re feeling after hearing about what happened.
  2. Ask them if they’ve talked to God about the issue.  If you’re a Christian, this is especially important, considering you’re thinking about pursuing a long-term relationship with this person.  If they have asked God to cleanse them from their sin and are actively working to live according to His commandments now, then you have absolutely nothing to worry about, darling.  Conversely, if they don’t think what they’ve done is wrong and refuse to ask God for forgiveness well… here’s your sign.
  3. Forgive and Forget.  They’ve already asked God for forgiveness, and He’s shed His grace upon them.  We should be willing to do the same.  If you truly care for this person, a sinful past shouldn’t be the end-all of the relationship.  Remind yourself of all of the amazing things about this person, why you took a liking to them in the first place.  Don’t let the past, especially if they’re trying their best to change, skew your perception of them.

Let the past remain in the past.

Don’t let past offenses overshadow tomorrow’s miracles.

“For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace.” -Romans 6:14

Besides, maybe this is your person.

I know this post is getting long-winded, but here’s the main reason I wanted to relay this message to the Christian dating scene:  maybe this imperfect person is YOUR person.  Maybe that guy/girl who used to drink and sleep around needs you to be a Hosea-like person and lead them to Christ.  Maybe God placed you in each other’s lives because you both need rescuing… by inspiring one another to work through the sins of their past and to actively make God the center of their relationship.

Perfect couples don’t exist, because neither part of the couple is perfect.

Nevertheless, a couple that builds each other up to follow Christ is perfect in God’s eyes.

Don’t throw away a beautiful future because of an ugly past.


Good day, and God bless!

-Allyson 😀

Featured image found at:

Featured image attributed to: Eddie Cortes


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