Wait For It…

For the longest time, I had a Lydia Bennet mentality.

For those of you who love Pride and Prejudice as much as I do, you can imagine just how horrid that period of my life was.  And, for those of you who have no idea what that means… I was boy crazy.  Not just boy crazy… idiotically boy crazy to the point where I felt privileged if a guy wanted to text me because at least I was attractive to someone, even if I didn’t even really like him myself.

darcydontprove

P.S. This meme is my favorite thing on the Internet. XD

Needless to say, it was a very dumb part of my past that I’m glad to say is over.  However, it didn’t end because I found a boyfriend, but because I rediscovered God.  Today, I’m going to be straightforward with you about why it’s important to wait until God provides you with a Christ-centered relationship.

The Road of Rejection

Girls, I’m just going to go ahead and throw some advice out there:

1) If a prospective guy texts you nonstop but never makes an effort to make plans with you, then he’s not worth pursuing.

2)  If a prospective guy stops talking to you out of the blue, do not, under any circumstances, fall for his charms again.

3) If you like a guy, and he won’t acknowledge your existence, let it be.  For the love of love, just let it be.

Over the course of the past few years, I have found through numerous instances that these truths are indeed self-evident, yet difficult to adhere to.  Sometimes the guy that’s texting you seems really interesting, and you get addicted to talking to him everyday.  Sometimes after he has stopped talking to you for a while, you’ll feel relieved when you see his name pop up on your phone again.  And sometimes, you’ll notice some guy that you swear up and down is your dream guy, that you’re meant to be and all that hoo-ha… and he’ll ignore you as if his life depends on it.

Long story short, rejection isn’t fun at all.  Trust me when I say that if you have been or are currently going through any of the scenarios above, that God didn’t let you go through that because He feels you’re not worthy of earthly love.  Instead, God lets you be rejected by guys who are unworthy of a romantic relationship with you in order for you to recognize the love you truly need:  a relationship with your Heavenly Father.

Seek Him, Not Them

“The Lord is good unto them that wait for Him, to the soul that seeketh Him.”
-Lamentations 3:25

When you’re going through the single season, you may feel insecure due to failed attempts at love, or a lack of acceptance from guys who you have been interested in.  Your first instinct may be to solve this problem on your own by trying to become acquainted with different guys in order to find a boyfriend, but please know that your attempts will be futile if you go about it with the wrong intentions.  If you claim to be a daughter of God, seek to engage in your relationship with Him first and foremost, and then He’ll lead you to the man He knows is right for you.  The main problem girls in the single season face, (including myself when I was there just a few months ago), is that we become obsessed with the idea that we have to have a boyfriend to feel validated.  Therefore, we often let this obsession overshadow our love for God, and begin to become attracted to guys who are outside of His Will for us.

Be Equally Yoked

“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” -2 Corinthians 6:14

In a match-made-in-Heaven relationship, the couple will be equally yoked with one another.  Being equally yoked means that they will share a love for God and His commandments, and that they will be able to encourage each other to follow Christ.  On the other hand, if a couple is unequally yoked, they will disagree about their spiritual beliefs, which will inevitably cause conflict in the long run.  I can say from experience that if you are truly dedicated to following Christ, that God will save you from falling for a guy who will cause you to be led astray.  Remember, God wants what’s best for you,  and having a long-term romantic relationship with someone who doesn’t acknowledge or believe in Him and His commandments is definitely not where He intends to place you.

God Hears You

.”The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.” -Psalm 34:18

Single Christian women, God knows about the heartache you’ve suffered.  God hears your prayers where you plead for a godly man to begin a relationship with.  Likewise, He also knows who, when, where and how in which that relationship will begin.  And trust me, when you finally find yourself meeting a godly man, you’ll be thanking God that He made you wait for him.  A godly man will build you up and encourage you to lean on Christ, not ignore you and leave you crying by yourself.  A godly man will show you Bible verses and pray for you, not ditch church on Sundays and belittle you.  It may not seem possible now, but if it’s in His will, God’s got a godly man specifically designed for you if you’ll simply let love take it’s course and wait on the Master with the plan.

Goodnight and God bless!

-Allyson 😀

 

Featured Image Found At: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/546483736010632995/

Featured Image Attributed to: spiritualinspiration.tumblr.com

 

 

Relationships: Don’t Look for Perfection

Calling all Christian singles, or Christians who may be dating (or courting) someone at the moment… I have to let you in on a little secret:

“Mister/Miss perfect for you” won’t be perfect.

I know, this may be a devastating blow to some of you readers out there.  You may be thinking, “there’s a guy/girl out there for me who truly makes God their top priority, and they will have minimal sinful baggage to bring to our relationship”.  And yes, that may be true for some of you; however, that won’t be the case for all of us.  Some of us are going to fall for people with troubled pasts.  Some of us are going to have to practice patience and forgiveness whenever we find out about our significant other’s past.  Some of us are going to have to nudge them back to Christ.  Some of us are going to end up with an imperfect person.

But guess what?  We’re all imperfect.

Oh yeah… remember that lie you told?  Remember that time you disobeyed your parents?  Remember that time you had lustful thoughts about someone, even if you didn’t put those thoughts into action?  You, me, he, she, we… we’re all imperfect sinners who are given grace by a perfect God.  We as humans tend to think that there are different ranks of sins, meaning that some are worse than others.  Honestly, that’s not the case at all.  God’s word tells us that all sins are of equal measure:

“For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.” -James 2:10

So, if you’ve committed one sin, you’ve basically committed them all.  No sin is better or worse than any other… they’re all bad.  It’s bad to lie.  It’s bad to steal.  It’s bad to sin against our bodies through using drugs, alcohol, or having sexual relationships outside of marriage.  Going back to what I said in Forgive and Forget, we as Christians know that God will forgive us every time we fall short of His commandments, but we’re quick to cast shameful looks on others when they sin.

Parable time! 😀

There are two Christians, Jim and Kim.  Jim murdered someone before he got saved, and Kim is a compulsive liar who is a sort-of Christian.  As you can see, both Jim and Kim have sinned in their past.  Both Jim and Kim will die, and will appear before God to be judged.  When God looks upon Jim, the reformed murderer, He will not say, “well Jim, you killed a man.  That’s a terrible sin that isn’t worthy of salvation, even though you’ve lived for Me for the past 30 years.  You’re going to Hell.”  Likewise, He’s not going to approach Kim and say, “well Kim, you lie like a penny in the parking lot at a grocery store, but it’s just a minor offense.  I know you haven’t really tried to live according to my commandments, but you’ve done some Christiany things.  Welcome to Heaven!”

That’s not how it works.  That’s not how any of this works. XD

“As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one…”
-Romans 3:10

Alas, none of us are perfect, so don’t think that your future boyfriend/girlfriend should have a pristine past.

Now you’re gonna ask me,

“How do we deal with their past sins?”

Okay, so you’re dating/thinking about dating a Christian who has struggled with sin in the past.  Maybe they did jail time, maybe they’ve been promiscuous in past relationships.  Upon learning that information, it’s going to hurt you.  You’re going to want to ask them a million questions as to why they acted in that manner when God’s word clearly states that it’s a sin.  You’re going to wonder if they’re worth pursuing a relationship with, and if they’ll return to their former ways.  It’s going to take a toll on you to find out that your potential mate isn’t all sunshine and sweetness like you initially thought they would be.  Nevertheless, remember that their past is going to be even harder on them.

Before you verbally attack this person with questions and doubt their potential, I beg of you, reconsider and take the following steps:

  1. Talk to them about your concerns, but don’t ask them for all the details.  If you ask someone to go into the gory details of their past, you’re going to receive a whopping dosage of TMI, and your over-analyzing may make you think less of the person.  Instead, just tell them how you’re feeling after hearing about what happened.
  2. Ask them if they’ve talked to God about the issue.  If you’re a Christian, this is especially important, considering you’re thinking about pursuing a long-term relationship with this person.  If they have asked God to cleanse them from their sin and are actively working to live according to His commandments now, then you have absolutely nothing to worry about, darling.  Conversely, if they don’t think what they’ve done is wrong and refuse to ask God for forgiveness well… here’s your sign.
  3. Forgive and Forget.  They’ve already asked God for forgiveness, and He’s shed His grace upon them.  We should be willing to do the same.  If you truly care for this person, a sinful past shouldn’t be the end-all of the relationship.  Remind yourself of all of the amazing things about this person, why you took a liking to them in the first place.  Don’t let the past, especially if they’re trying their best to change, skew your perception of them.

Let the past remain in the past.

Don’t let past offenses overshadow tomorrow’s miracles.

“For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace.” -Romans 6:14

Besides, maybe this is your person.

I know this post is getting long-winded, but here’s the main reason I wanted to relay this message to the Christian dating scene:  maybe this imperfect person is YOUR person.  Maybe that guy/girl who used to drink and sleep around needs you to be a Hosea-like person and lead them to Christ.  Maybe God placed you in each other’s lives because you both need rescuing… by inspiring one another to work through the sins of their past and to actively make God the center of their relationship.

Perfect couples don’t exist, because neither part of the couple is perfect.

Nevertheless, a couple that builds each other up to follow Christ is perfect in God’s eyes.

Don’t throw away a beautiful future because of an ugly past.

 

Good day, and God bless!

-Allyson 😀

Featured image found at:  https://www.pinterest.com/pin/324540716880897930/

Featured image attributed to: Eddie Cortes

Being Intentional

Today was the first time I have ever totally disagreed with a Blimey Cow video.  Honestly it was a bitter realization, because their videos oftentimes help me understand different viewpoints.  However, though I understand that the Blimey Cow crew covered the topic of being intentional in their usual sarcastic/satirical way, I feel that they completely skewed the true meaning of dating with intention, turning it into something that the world openly mocks Christians for:  participating in courtships.

Like many other Christians, I tuned in to TLC to watch 19 Kids and Counting before the scandal happened last year.  Though I admired the Duggars’ exhibitions of faith throughout the series, I always had mixed feelings about their practice of courting.  Initially, I admired the concept, due to its similarity to the dating style in Jane Austen’s novels.  There’s something sweet about only dating someone if you like them well enough to marry them; well, unless you’re taking  Mr. Collins’s approach of marrying anyone off the street.  Conversely, the concept is also borderline crazy, in the case that one has not taken the time to actually get to know the person they wish to court before initiating the courtship.  This is where I feel that Blimey Cow went wrong today, mistaking the act of courting for the act of being intentional.

When it comes to dating, being intentional doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to commit to marrying every person you go on a date with.  Actually, it’s quite the opposite.  Being intentional consists of approaching the entire realm of dating while asking yourself these questions:

  • Am I mature enough to take dating seriously?
  • Why do I want a significant other in the first place?
  • Am I dating just because everyone else is doing it/expecting me to, or am I doing it for myself?
  • Does the person I want to date love Jesus as much as I do?
  • Am I seeking to honor God with this relationship?
  • Do I actually like the person I want to date, or are they just a convenient, go-to “prospect”?
  • Could I potentially fall in love with this person, or am I acting on feelings of lust?

You see, dating with intention doesn’t focus on marrying yourself off on the first date.  Instead, it’s intended purpose is to get you to think through your actions in order to sort out your feelings.  If you ask yourself the aforementioned questions and find that the only reason you like someone is because they’re attractive, then that’s a sure-fire sign that you are not thinking of the long-term effects that dating this person could have.  So what if the guy’s hot?  Will he be hot ten years from now when he’s jacked back in a recliner, beer can in hand, watching a game at an obnoxiously loud volume and refusing to go to church with you?  I rest my case.

I totally agree that thinking about marriage on the first date is extreme.  However, thinking of the long-term effects of continually dating someone could save you, and them, loads of heartache.  For example, if a guy who you know you don’t like or have anything in common with asks you out, it is perfectly fine to decline his offer.  In my opinion, being rejected before a relationship begins is easier to handle than being rejected after dating the person for an extended period of time, only to find out that the person you were dating hated your guts.  Basically, what I’m trying to say is that by approaching dating with intention, you are protecting your heart.

“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”
-Proverbs 4:23

Most importantly, being intentional means that you are not only focusing on what you want out of a relationship, but how it will affect your relationship with God.  I can go ahead and tell you that if you have no intention of honoring God with your relationship, then that relationship is going to be pretty hard to bless.  Guard your heart from what you know won’t work, wait patiently, and when the time is right, God will show you what He intends for you to do.

Here’s an alternative video that describes being intentional correctly:

Boys, Boys, Boys by Jamie Grace

Goodnight, and God bless!

-Allyson

The Single Christian’s V-Day Playlist

Introduction:  Being a single Christian is nerve-wracking at times, especially during couple-centered holidays like the one being celebrated this weekend.  However, let not your hearts be troubled; below is a compiled list of songs just for you guys!  I hope these songs help you as much as they have aided me in overcoming the longevity of the single season.

Wait patiently…

Just a Friend” by Jamie Grace: Admittedly, this is my #1 single girl jam.  I blast this song whenever I’m thinking of a guy I like to remind me that God’s got this all figured out. Because even when that guy actually does see you as just a friend, or just an acquaintance, or not at all (yeah…), God sees you as His creation, and like Jamie Grace says, He sees what you don’t.  So who knows?  That guy could be a Wickham, or a Darcy, or a Knightley in shining armor… but trust God to reveal the outcome to you.  Just be a friend until God says it’s go time.

Tell Me” by He is We:  Whenever I’m feeling doubtful about ever finding love, I turn to this lovely little tune by one of my favorite bands.  “Tell Me” focuses on praying for your future spouse, which is 100% necessary if marriage to a godly person is a desire of your heart.  Prayer and keeping faith in God’s plan for your life are the only ways to survive the dark alleyways (i.e. loneliness) of the single season.  Just trust Him; God’s got your back.

The Waiting” by Jamie Grace:  When you’re trying your darnedest to wait patiently for something you really desire, the struggle is real.  But, when we’re waiting on God and putting faith in His infallible timing, faith keeps us on track.  Remember, you’re not alone in this.  You’re not the first, nor the last, to be kept waiting for love.  Keep holding God’s hand and be patient, because His love will never leave you.

Love is Waiting” by Brooke Fraser: “Musing lazily on love… pondering you.” Seriously, like every single (no pun intended) day of my life.  Ha, but that’s not the point of this song.  “Love is waiting ’til we’re ready, ’til it’s right”: that, right there ladies and gentlemen, is the point.  If you currently have no “prospects” (something my momma calls potential people who want to date you… yeah don’t ask…), you may feel as if you’re unlovable.  Been there, suffered through that.  But to be honest, it’s not because you’re “unlovable”; it’s because God finds you totally lovable, and He sees that you’re not ready to mingle with the right person yet.  So wait.  When God wants you to meet your Jedi Knight in Shining Nerdom (or whatever else you prefer to call them), He’ll place them in your path.  No need to rush love, my friends.

White Boots” by Jamie Grace:  Okay, so here we have a third mention for Jamie Grace, but only because she’s the reigning queen of CCM single season songs.  “White Boots” is about purity.  Sometimes when people hear the word purity, they automatically think of the physical aspect of the word, when in reality purity spans beyond remaining abstinent until marriage.  Staying pure also relies on keeping our minds free of toxic thoughts that would get between our relationship with our Truest Love:  Jesus Christ.  So watch what you think and watch what you do, because He’s always watching you!

Every Little Thing” by Hawk Nelson:  I knew I was going to be in love with this song from the moment the first verse ended, mainly due to the fact that it reminds me of Landon and Jamie’s story in A Walk to Remember.  Imagine someone being head-over-heels in love with you mainly due to your love for Jesus.  Then, imagine falling in love with that person for the same reason.  You see, worldly relationships are between two flawed people, and that’s why America has a divorce rate of 50%.  Godly relationships are between three:  husband, wife, and Jesus Christ.  Jesus is the glue that holds marriages together, not the piece of paper that proclaims your marital status.  So say goodbye to the brokenhearted, because if you keep Jesus in your heart, every little thing will fall into place.

Keeping Me Guessing” by Francesca Battistelli: That’s the thing about our Lord, He keeps us guessing.  Sometimes it’s nice to be surprised, but I’m going to be completely honest here, it’s frustrating not knowing what’s going to happen.  There’s always that nagging thought at the back of my mind, “will I be single forever?” I used to let the frustration fuel my hate fire for being stuck in the single season, but that only made me develop a cynical attitude towards the idea of finding love.  Only when I realized that God is omnipotent and all-knowing, and that little ol’ me has no control over what or who the future may bring, did the frustration subside.  And who knows, some of us may end up being single forever.  However, that doesn’t constitute our worth, especially to God.  Remember this:   “But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord” -1 Corinthians 7:32.  No matter if you ever find love on earth, our God will always hold a special place for you in His heart.  If that isn’t true love, I don’t know what is.

 

…even when you just want to cry and stuff your face with five pints of Ben & Jerry’s…

Be My Escape” by Relient K: I could fangirl about this song, but I’ve already explained why it’s one of my favorites (and the inspiration for this blog) in and earlier post.  Instead, I’m going to recommend it as a song for those times when you’re traveling down the dark alleys of loneliness.  I lived in those alleys for a couple of years, and it was one the lowest points of my life.  Because I tried and failed to fix the “problem” of singleness on my own, I fell into a rut of sorts, thinking that change was impossible.  Hearing this song for the first time helped me see that only Jesus can be my escape from loneliness, not a change in my relationship status.

Take Me” by Hawk Nelson:  When you’re in the process of having a good old cry-fest, this song will work wonders for your outlook.  Psalm 57:1 says: “Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me: for my soul trusteth in thee: yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities be overpast.” This song emphasizes this verse in a beautifully healing manner, and I highly recommend it whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed about anything.

More Than Useless” by Relient K:  You’re single, not useless.  Don’t let society’s expectations of relationships constitute how you feel about yourself.  You are more than a relationship status. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, a work of art formed by God Himself!  God makes no mistakes, and you my dear are certainly not a flaw in His system; society’s expectations are where the errors lie.

Faithful” by Brooke Fraser:  Praying, at times, can feel like a one-sided conversation, especially when you’re praying for love.  When you have no “prospects”, it may seem like God is ignoring your request.  The truth of the matter is that either He’s preparing you for the answer to your prayers, or He is trying to get you to realize that it is not in His plan for you.  Yes, the latter outcome is not what you want to hear, though it is exactly what you need.  Going back to the fact that we don’t know what our futures hold, why would your plan be better than God’s?  He created this world.  He created every one of us.  He knows everything; we know diddly squat compared to that.  So, why not have faith in His plan?

Ill With Want” by The Avett Brothers:  To many people, being single is thought of as an unwanted, almost plague-like condition that needs to be fixed in order to feel any amount of worth.  In this case, often times a greed for a relationship reformation settles in, a desperation for love of any kind, no matter how vile.  People become ill with want, developing an addiction to toxic relationships, causing the problem to grow deeper roots.  Like The Avett Brothers say in this song, “A need for something, now let me break it down again.  A need for something, but not more medicine,” quick-fixes won’t solve deep-rooted problems.  That “something” we need is a relationship with Jesus Christ, the only relationship that truly matters, and the only One that can heal our pain.

His Name” by He is We: Have you ever cried yourself to sleep over this whole singleness issue?  I used to, too.  Quite frankly, it feels like rock bottom.  Sounds loathsome, right? No one aspires to hit rock bottom.  But, it’s not always a bad thing.  Tony Evans said, “sometimes God lets you hit rock bottom so that you will discover that He is the Rock at the bottom”.  Boom… there it is.  Climb that Rock, seek the face of God.  Let not your heart be troubled, you’re safe in the palm of His hand.

because this single season may not last forever…

and waiting on God is totally worth it. 😀 ❤

Bless the Broken Road” by Rascal Flatts  | Worth It” by Francesca Battistelli | “Happily Ever After” by He is We

They may be out there, waiting for you, or they may not.  However, God is always out there, always waiting for you, no maybe about it.  You’re not alone, guys.  Never have been, never will be.

“Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.” -Joshua 1:9

Goodnight, and God bless!

-Allyson

 

Bonus (Non-music) Videos:

Boys, Boys, Boys” and Mom, Can I Have a Crush?” by Jamie Grace: The importance of approaching love with intention, and waiting on God to get you there. Besides… what’s the point of being in a relationship if your intention is not to glorify God once you get what you’ve been praying for?